Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
