last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
