How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
