I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
