I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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