is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
