Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
