Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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