took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
