you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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