The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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