sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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