escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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