This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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