I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
