It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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