I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
