Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
