if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
