My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize