i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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