Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
