so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
