theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
