cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
