So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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