Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
