So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
