I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am one with the molecules
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
