I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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