omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
