There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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