Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize