wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize