a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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