Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The power of my boobs compel you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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