I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
