based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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