Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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