I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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