It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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