just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
