I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
