Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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