I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Soap is not a condiment
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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