we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
