There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
