i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
