I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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