oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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