So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
