I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
