The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
