the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So here I am, sexting at work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
