Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
