when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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