i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
