They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
