I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
