umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
