Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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