Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
