remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
