guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
