i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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