I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
